'Quality Time'

by Lance Webster

A client recently complained that although he lives with his lover, it seemed as if they hardly spent time together. He felt they were drifting apart. "We saw more of each other before we moved in together." It's a common complaint.

For couples who live apart getting together seems special. They plan in advance and give thought to making time together meaningful. Then they move together and time with each other gradually becomes routine, taken for granted.

Here's how to ensure 'quality time' with any special person in your life with whom you want to 'grow' a warm, close relationship:

• Do things alone together. It's great to watch your 'other half' interact with others in a group, but that does little to enrich the quality of the interaction between the two of you.
• Schedule 'quality time' activities on a regular, predictable basis. If you don't, it can slip between the cracks, displaced by things that seem more important. Declare your quality time inviolate and arrange your schedules accordingly.
• Give yourselves sufficient time together. Plan for an hour a day, every other day, or four-five days a week.
• Let your partner be him or her self. Be with your partner no matter how he/she behaves, without trying to dominate, control or criticize. Just provide acceptance and love.
• Do things which help increase your awareness and understanding of each other. Be active. Games, exercising, projects, business, taking walks -- all allow for talking, sharing, and learning about each other. Passive things -- movies, TV, music -- turn you inward. Don't mistake them for quality time. If you do go to a movie, play, concert or watch TV together, the quality time comes afterwards when you discuss what you saw.
• Don't mistake having sex for quality time. Sex is a fun recreation. In early stages of a relationship it may provide quality time, but over time it is a way to enhance existing love, rather than promote interpersonal growth.

And of course, it's quality time when you sit down to plan quality time together.

© 2008 Lance Webster, LW Communications & Coaching